Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
