you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
