i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
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