OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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