P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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