Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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