I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
