I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Randomize
