I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
