Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
