what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
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