I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
