Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
