Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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