Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
