i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
