I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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