My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
