in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
