i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
