i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
