...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
