Your mouth is God's brothel.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
