I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
tell me about the fingering
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