just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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