i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
