What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I cut my penus on the lid.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
