I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
