Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
