im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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