if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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