i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
