check it out our google latitudes are spooning
my mouth tastes like poor choices
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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