Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
