I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
