please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
