get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
