Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
