So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
