I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
