Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
don't judge my taste in strippers
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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