There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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