Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
