Im at strip club and am horny
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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