Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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