I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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