I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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