He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
