Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
