just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
