i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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