you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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