His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
